Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

Always pack an overnight bag for long car trips, even if you're not planning on stopping for the night. That way, when you hit a snow storm in Watertown (there's always a snow storm in Watertown), you can get a hotel room and just grab that one bag, without having to dig through all your stuff to find clean underwear.

Or, if you're stubborn like me and you just keep driving and get home at 4:00 in the morning, you don't have to unpack the whole car - you can just bring your overnight bag into the house, and unpack the rest the next day. Or the next day after that. Or, well, eventually, anyhow.

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

If you're buying a new fridge, do it in the winter. Then you can put all the food outside to stay cold while you are waiting for the new fridge to be delivered.

Words to Live By

Efficiency: Cleaning out the car from the last road trip while packing for the next road trip.

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

With the exception of new and heavily-dyed clothing, I don't really sort laundry by colors anymore. I sort by "effort required to fold". When I'm doing multiple loads, the first load will be the fiddly, annoying stuff - mostly my shirts and the girls' clothes. I usually have more energy for folding at the beginning of a laundry day, so I try to get the annoying stuff out of the way first. Next, I tackle the bulky stuff that folds up quickly and easily - like bath towels and Jeremy's shirts. Finally, I wash the things that don't really need to be folded at all, like socks and underwear, so that when laundry day bleeds into laundry night, I can just stick them in the dryer and go to bed, without worrying about the inevitable wrinkles in the morning. (This also works out nicely because the socks and underwear tend to sink to the bottom of the hamper, anyhow.)

I use the same logic when I'm doing just one load of laundry, and not tackling the whole pile. I start by throwing in the things I need right away, and as I throw them in, I assess the time required to fold them. Then I throw in towels or shirts or socks to fill the washer the rest of the way, based on how much remaining folding energy I expect to have.

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

Never buy a white shirt for a baby or a toddler.

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

The "Kids Getting Into Stuff" Equation

When the kids are getting into something, and enjoying it, sometimes it's worth just letting them play and explore the world on their own messy terms. Here's how to know when to interfere and when to let it slide:

If F (how much fun the kids are having) times L (how long it will keep them entertained and out of your hair) times N (whether or not they know it's naughty, where N is a sliding scale from 1 to 0 with 1 being completely innocent play, and 0 being "Mom just told us not to do this three minutes ago, and we fully understood") is greater than C (amount of time and effort it will take to clean it up) times D (likelihood of irreparable damage or bodily harm), then just let them play, and deal with the mess later.
If FLN<CD then intervene
If FLN=CD then the only logical course of action is to join in. I bet smearing soap on the bathroom walls really is just as fun as they are making it look.




I'm sure my equation has mathematical errors. This is just a blog, not a web comic.

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

When you finally tackle that mountain of dishes, and you encounter nasty, moldy dishes, choose to be impressed rather than grossed out. Each moldy dish is a work of art and a science lesson all rolled into one. Observe the colors, the textures, the growth patterns. There's your standard green and black, but is that a blue mold under there? Did you ever notice how much more mold is formed when another dish is on top, keeping the moisture in? Or how moldy fruit smells like wine, but moldy vegetables smell like farts? It's fascinating!

(It has to be. Otherwise, it's depressing.)

Words to Live By

Sometimes, you just need a day where everyone stays in their pajamas and does nothing all day. Every day. For a week. Or two.

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

After mopping, put two towels under your feet, and skate around the floors, drying them as you go. This prevents slips and falls and dirty footprints. (I definitely did NOT learn this trick from working at a certain coffee shop where the practice was decidedly frowned upon.)

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

If you only have time for a rush cleaning, start with the most obvious areas - toys on the living room floor, dishes on the dining room table, etc. If you have time for a deep cleaning, start with the most neglected areas - the clutter pile, the countertop under the toaster oven, etc. If you run out of time for deep cleaning, you can always get to the obvious stuff later, but if you do the obvious stuff first, you’ll never get around to the deep cleaning.

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

Don’t forget about gravity. If you need to clean the counters and the floors, clean the counters first. Otherwise, you’ll be cleaning the floors twice.

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

If you want to record a cute video of your kids dancing, or make a tutorial for your other blog, and you don't feel like cleaning up the living room, just shovel all the crap to one side of the room, then crop the messy half of the room out of sight.

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

Get a smaller trash can.

I know, I know, this seems like a backwards tip. Shouldn't I be telling you to get a bigger trash can, so you can put off taking out the trash for a few more days? That was what I thought at first, too. But I have learned something about myself: I will put off taking out the trash until I can't balance another item on the mound. Once a piece of trash tumbles off the pile for the fourth or fifth time, I will cave and take out the trash. This presents three problems when you have a big trash can: 1. You can't get the bag shut, because there's too much stuff in it, 2. The bag is too heavy to carry, and/or 3. The trash has been sitting in the bottom of the bag for far too long, and the lowest level of trash has liquefied, making a leak that much more nasty (and, proportionately, that much more likely).

So, buy a trash can that is just a little bit too small. It will make you take the trash out more often, and save you a lot of headaches in the long run. (But keep buying the bigger trash bags, for those days when you really need the extra trash space, when you can just take the bag out of the can and fill it to your heart's content.)

Bonus tip: If you live in an apartment building with a garbage chute, buy a REALLY small trash can. There's nothing worse than getting to the chute and realizing your bag won't fit, so make sure a full trash can will always fit.

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

Not sure if those leftovers are still good? Just put off dealing with them for a few more days. Then they definitely won’t be good, and you won’t feel so guilty throwing them out.

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

When you are doing a bunch of laundry and know that there is no way you are going to get around to folding it all, fold one large item in the load and set it on the top of the unfolded laundry in the basket. This way when you come back to the unfolded stuff a week later you won't mistake the unfolded mess for dirty laundry. Also, saves you from the sniff test to check if stuff is clean or dirty!

(Submitted by Trish)

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

Hate sorting socks? Get rid of all your socks and replace them with several packs of the exact same kind. No more sorting! Just put them all in the drawer. When you need a pair, grab two and go!

(Submitted by a whole bunch of people. I actually did this with my husband's socks - he has only two kinds of socks, now, ankle socks and long socks, all the same. I like variety in my sock drawer too much to do this for myself, but it's tempting!)

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

Join a gym. It's amazing how many productive things I get done around the house when I'm putting off going to the gym.

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

Before you mop, empty your trash can, then use it as a mop bucket. This helps get some of the garbage-stink out of the trash can, and it saves you having to remember where you put the mop bucket.

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

If you have kids who tend to think that "playing with" toys is the same as "dumping out" toys, minimize the clean-up by putting away Lego in clumps of 5 or 6 bricks. Putting away 20 clumps is easier than putting away 100 individual bricks. (Or, you know, just hide the Lego completely.)

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

When you put bibs in the laundry hamper, turn the pockets inside out. (Unless you like finding cheerios in your clean laundry.)

Aside: I was going to say, "Wash bibs with the pockets inside out," but doing it when you put them in the hamper lets you get out the nastiest goop right now, rather than letting it rot in the hamper. It also gives you a second chance to do it when you are transferring them to the washer, in case you forgot the first time.

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

Place a sock basket in you laundry room and when socks are done, just put them in the basket. If someone wants socks, they can find the mate!

(Submitted by Scatterbrained Homemaker)

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

It doesn’t matter that the trash has been overflowing for days. It doesn’t matter that taking out the trash is his job. He won’t notice. Just take the trash out yourself.



Or, alternatively, you can always reframe your laziness as righteous indignation:

"But it's been overflowing for days! Taking the trash out is his job! I'll just pile a few more things on, and he's bound to notice!!"

(When in doubt, take a picture and blog about it.)

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

Keep a wide assortment of brushes near the kitchen sink for getting congealed gunk out of grooves. One size does not fit all. I have a bottle brush for bottles, a pipe cleaner for one kind of sippy cup, a paint brush for another kind of sippy cup, and a stiff brush for cheese graters and my dimpled frying pan.

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

If you have a griddle or Foreman Grill, you can clean it by putting it on medium heat and setting a wet wash cloth/paper towel on it. When it has steamed a while, use another cloth/paper towel to clean it off. Use cool water to avoid burning your own hand.

(Submitted by Scatterbrained Homemaker)

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

When baking, line cookie sheets with parchment paper. Not only does it stop the cookies from sticking to the pan, but it makes clean-up literally as easy as throwing the parchment paper in the trash and putting the cookie sheet straight back in the cupboard. (I also line loaf pans with tinfoil for the same effect. You can use the tinfoil to lift the banana bread straight out of the pan, then just put the pan back in the cupboard.)

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

So you bought a brand new glue stick, and after your first craft using it, a forgetful child leaves the cap off. When you finally get around to cleaning up the craft several days later, it is a shriveled peg of dried glue. Oh well, throw it out, right? Wrong! You can rehydrate dried-out glue sticks! Just fill with water, stick the cap on, and leave it overnight. Tomorrow morning, you will have a brand new glue stick again!

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

While waiting for hubby to bring cans of soup home for supper, boil water in the kettle to get a head start. Then when the soup comes, you only really have to boil the condensed soup. It's "souper" fast!

(Submitted by Julia)

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

Take the padded cover off of the high chair; the hard plastic underneath is much easier to clean.

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

When you make Jell-O, save yourself a dish and bypass the serving bowl. Divide the unjelled liquid evenly between dessert bowls or ramekins and let it set in them. Not only does this save you from washing an unnecessary dish, but it also looks fancier. It's always win-win when lazy makes you look fancy.

Crappy Housewife Tutorial: Circuit Cleaning

Your kitchen counters.

Home of dirty dishes, appliances, and tons of other random crap that just accumulates there no matter how hard you try to keep it away. And you know that the only way to clean them properly is to remove all that crap and scrub them, but there's just so. much. crap. And besides, where else is it all supposed to go? So, you shove stuff to the side, and wipe the bits you can see, and before you know it, the toaster oven is glued to the counter with some kind of mystery substance.

Circuit cleaning lets you deep clean without having to relocate all that stuff. You start by clearing out one manageable section of counter, cleaning it thoroughly, then putting everything back and moving on to the next section. (Note: this method also works on other cluttery areas, like mantels or bedrooms.) It's really pretty simple, and you're probably already doing it, but since I've been neglecting this blog (and my house) lately, I deep-cleaned my kitchen and made a photo tutorial. These pictures span one day, during which I was home alone with a one-year-old and a three-year-old, so it really only shows a few hours or less of actual work. The difference a few hours makes (to me at least) is pretty mind-blowing.

1. Do enough dishes to thin the herd. You need to be able to see at least SOME countertop. (I apologize for not having a proper "before" picture. I decided to do the tutorial after I had already washed a bunch of dishes.)
   


2. Pick a corner to clean first. Start far from the sink and work towards it. I usually choose to start in the corner that it the most entrenched in junk. For me, this is my cookbook/coffee corner.
   


3. Clear away an approximately two-foot-wide section of counter. Put dirty dishes by the sink. It doesn't really matter where you put other things - I mostly just move them to another section of counter - but if you have something in your hand that can be put away, by all means, put it away.
   


4. Ew. That counter is gross. Well, you know the Crappy Housewife motto, "Let it soak." Throw a wet cloth over those gross blobs. Now go wash a dish or two while you let the water do its magic.
   


5. Wipe up the gross stuff under the cloth. Then clean the rest of the counter thoroughly with soapy water (or other cleaning product). Use your scraper of choice to loosen any tough globs. (The picture below shows my three favorite scrapers - a spatula, a pizza stone scraper and a big dough cutter thingy.) Personally, I like to scrape the big metal scraper across the whole countertop, just in case there are invisible globs that my cloth missed. Dry the counter well with a towel.
   


6. Put everything back in the first section that belongs there. Honestly, even if nothing gets put away, just having it sit in nice rows on a clean counter makes your whole kitchen look better. Clear the next section of counter. (Which, in this case, included a very cluttered windowsill.)
   


7. Clean surfaces, replace crap.
   


8. Clear the next section of counter, up to the sink. When you get to the sink, stop. You'll come back later and do the sink last. I have a good reason for this.
   


9. Clean section, replace crap. Left half of counter complete:
   
   Right half of counter still nasty:
   


10. Jump to the other corner, and repeat the process on that section of counter. Clear, clean, replace. Whenever you move an appliance, it's a nice idea to wipe it down before replacing it, including the little rubber feet that somehow always seem to be encased in something gooey.
    


11. The next section of counter is actually the stove, which desperately needs cleaning. Remove all removable components from the stove and put them in the sink to soak (this is why we didn't clean the sink, yet).
    
    Put wet cloths all over the surface of the stove to soak.
    
    


12. Okay, this stove-soaking project is going to take a while. You can clear the next section of counter while you wait.
    


13. Clean the surface of the stove, clean the next section of counter, then wash all the stove components you removed. Dry them and reassemble the stove.
    


14. Now all that's left is the sink and the stuff behind it. I don't actually have another place to put most of this stuff, so these before and after photos will show you how much of a difference the remove/clean/replace system makes even when you keep the clutter.
    
    


15. Step back and enjoy the view. (Just don't look at the floor, which suddenly looks so much worse in juxtaposition with the counters.)
    

BONUS TIP: Did you notice all the dirty dishes in that last picture? No? That's because my sister gave me the most awesome Crappy Housewife Tip, which I started using as soon as I made a trip to the store and bought the biggest dish tub they had in stock. Look back at the after picture of the whole kitchen. See the big black tub? It's full of dirty dishes. But because they are in a TUB, they have a place to be without cluttering up the counter or the sink. Brilliant. Thanks, sis!

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

Ditch the kitchen washcloths. It seems like no matter how good I am at wringing them out and hanging them up when I am done, dishcloths get stinky fast. Sometimes it seems like they're only good for a day or two before they smell too gross to use. And if you let them sit too long before washing them, that mildewy stink lingers, and they smell bad again the first time you use them.

Instead, get yourself some Handi Wipes (USA) or J Cloths (Canada). Imagine a halfway point between a paper towel and a washcloth, and there you have these (which don't seem to have an easy shorthand other than brand name, so I just call them "blue cloths"). Handi Wipes are $2 for a six-pack, which is about what you would pay for one or two washcloths.

But they're not just cheaper. Here are some of the many things I love about blue cloths:

-When you wring them out after using them, they get almost completely dry. You don't even need to hang them up; if you squeeze all the water out and leave them in a blob on the counter, when you come back a few hours later, the blob will be completely dry. And, if you recall your middle school science lessons, bacteria need moisture to thrive, so a dry cloth is a non-bacteria-y cloth. (Non-bacteria-y is totally the scientific term.)

-You can wash them in the washing machine. So, when they do get gross (usually because I let them sit inside a gross sink or something), you can just toss them in the wash. They only survive a handful of washings, because they are not designed to last forever, but they can go longer between washings because they dry out completely and don't get stinky. (I recommend air-drying them, though, the dryer makes them break down faster.)

-I don't feel bad throwing them out. So, if I have to clean up something really gross (I will spare you the examples), then I can just toss them, guilt-free. Their disposableness also makes them an awesome choice for outings and camping trips. In fact, they would also be an awesome thing to keep in the diaper bag. (Why didn't I think of that before? I'm going to go put one in there right now.)

-Because they come in multi-packs, I always have a bunch of them on hand. So when I am doing a big job, like cleaning all the kitchen counters, I can use several of them to soak more sections of counter at one time. I keep one on the high chair to use on faces, another by the sink to use on dishes, and another under the sink for cleaning.

Sorry, I didn't mean to make that sound so much like a commercial. I assure you that neither Handi Wipes nor J Cloths are paying me any money to say this stuff, I'm just a satisfied consumer/zealot. These things are awesome. Try them sometime.

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

You know that little bag of magnet rocks you bought at the science museum that seemed so cool at the time, but you promptly forgot about? Go dig it out of whatever cold, dark corner it's hiding in. Those magnet rocks make awesome fridge magnets. They hold better than any of my "real" fridge magnets. Plus, they look really cool on your fridge.

Bonus tip: Check if your front door is magnetic. This was one of the most awesome discoveries in our apartment. It basically triples our "refrigerator door" space!

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

If it smells like poop in a hot car after traveling, look for that sippy cup you put milk in. Do it quick before it explodes!

(Submitted by Scatterbrained Homemaker)

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

If the kefir is ready, but you don’t feel like straining it right now, just stick it in the fridge. This halts the culturing process without hurting the grains, and you can neglect the kefir for a little bit longer without it becoming too potent to consume. Put it in front of something you use daily, though, like the Brita pitcher, so you don’t forget about it for too long.

(If I need to halt my kefir for more than a day, I put it in the fridge right after adding the grains to fresh milk. You can leave it for up to a week this way.)

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

If you don’t have time to clean the whole kitchen, at least stack all the dirty dishes together on one section of counter, and clean the empty counter. Half a clean counter looks cleaner than a half-clean counter.

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

Remember those dirty dishes I told you to go ahead and put in a cardboard box in the backyard a month ago? Yeah, that's what I thought. Go bring them inside. Now, before you forget again.

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

Put a hamper in every room where dirty laundry tends to get dropped on the floor. Bedrooms and bathrooms are obvious choices, but consider a small hamper (or basket) near the couch in the living room, where socks get stripped off, or in the kitchen for dirty towels.

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

Don't own anything irreplaceable.

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

Babyproofing is annoying and time-consuming. I recommend passive resignation as an alternative. Move deadly hazards, like chemicals, and fragile things, like glassware, to top shelves. Then, just let the baby play with whatever is in the cabinets she can reach. Potatoes and pots and pans are the best toys, anyhow.

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

Light fixtures with multiple bulbs just give you that many more opportunities to put off replacing burnt-out bulbs. Four bulbs is almost as bright as five, and three bulbs is almost as bright as four. And really, two bulbs uses so much less energy than five - I'm not being lazy, I'm saving the planet!

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

Keep a stack of red party cups in your cabinet in front of the glasses, with a Sharpie for labeling tucked right inside the top cup.

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

Hate breaking down cardboard recycling? Just give a box to your kid and let them have at it. Before you know it that box will be more than broken down!

(Submitted by Trish)

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

While the kids are taking their bath, pre-treat today's stained clothes in the bathroom sink. You're just sitting there supervising, you might as well be productive.

*Note: I realize that this almost qualifies as a Good Housewife Tip. I almost didn't post it, but then I remembered that the children of Good Housewives don't get stained clothes in the first place.

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

Making meatloaf for dinner, but didn't plan far enough ahead? Split the meat into two smaller loaves (or four much smaller loaves) and shave 20 minutes or more off the cooking time!

Don't have four loaf pans? No problem! I never use loaf pans for meatloaf. I just shape my meat into approximately loaf-like shapes and line them up on my broiler pan. The fat drips through the cracks this way, leaving your meatloaf leaner, and there's more crispy outside bits (everyone's favorite part of the meatloaf, anyhow).

What's that? You like baked potatoes with your meatloaf, but now they won't cook in time, because your meatloaf will be done too quickly? Just microwave them for a few minutes (2-3 minutes per potato) before throwing them in the oven to give them a head start.

Look at that, three tips in one post! Guess what we're having for dinner tonight!

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

Break cleaning tasks down in your head into smaller component tasks. It’s easier to find five minutes (and the accompanying motivation) to clean the toilet, then find five minutes later to clean the sink, then find 10 minutes another time to clean the tub, etc. than it is to find half an hour to clean the bathroom. You can also check more things off your to-do list this way, and feel more productive.

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

When company is coming, make hot apple cider. The simmering spices will make your house smell so great that they won’t even notice the stinky trash smell.

Crappy Housewife Recipe: Sunday Soup

When you're sick of leftovers, here's a handy way to give them new life:

Sunday Soup

1. On Friday, get a rotisserie chicken (or other cooked meat on the bone) for dinner from your favorite grocery store's deli department. This week, I sent Jeremy, and he came back with BBQ ribs and chicken.

2. After dinner, pick any leftover meat from the carcass and throw all the bones in a pot with just enough water to cover. (It's okay to use the bones that people ate right off of, because they will cook for long enough to kill any germs.)

Bonus Tip: If you used a pot to cook potatoes or vegetables for dinner, don't bother washing it. Just empty it and use it for your broth.

3. Look in the fridge for limp celery, dried out carrots, and any other "not rotten, but not pretty" vegetables you can find. Add them to the pot. You can add seasonings if you want, but I don't bother, since the meat I get from the grocery store is well-seasoned.

4. Bring the whole pot to a boil, reduce heat, and simmer for an hour and a half, or until you are heading to bed and suddenly remember that there is broth on your stove.

5. Strain off the bones and veggies, and return the broth to the pot. Let it cool a bit, then stick the whole pot in your fridge.

6. On Sunday, take the pot out of the fridge. Skim the congealed fat off the top of the broth, then put the pot on the stove and bring it to a boil.

7. Rummage through your fridge and dig out soupifyable leftovers. This week, it was peas, beans, chicken (picked from the bones on Friday), and pasta with fresh tomatoes and corn. Be creative. You might be surprised how many things can go in the pot. Leftover casseroles make the soup into a cream-style soup, leftover soups make it extra-soupy. Cooked rice works well, too. If you don't have any leftover starches, add some dried noodles first, then when they are almost done, add all the already-cooked foods.

8. Simmer everything until heated through. If any of the leftovers were near their "Hmm, maybe we should toss that" date, cook them for a little longer before eating.

9. Eat and enjoy!

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

When company is coming for dinner, break out the good paper plates.

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

Find another Crappy Housewife and take turns cleaning each other’s houses. It’s a lot easier to clean someone else’s house than your own, and it’s a lot easier to clean your own house when someone is helping you. Besides, adult conversation is adult conversation, even when it's over dirty dishes.

Added bonus: If you both have kids, they can entertain each other while you clean, rather than interrupting you every five minutes to play with them. So you'll actually get more done together than one of you could ever get done in twice the time.

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

If you take an article of clothing out of the washer and notice that it has a stain you forgot to pre-treat, don't throw it in the dryer. The dryer will just cook the stain in so it will be impossible to get out. Air dry it, and save it for "around the house" wear this week, and pre-treat the stain next time laundry day rolls around. It's not as effective as pre-treating it before the first washing, but it at least gives it a fighting chance.

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

If guests are on their way, and you don’t have time to do the dishes, throw all the dirty dishes in a box and stick it in the backyard or the basement (just don’t forget to bring it back inside after they leave).

Yeah, even I am ashamed of this one.

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

If you're having people over the day after getting back from vacation, don't unpack the car until after they leave. Your guests won't see the inside of your car, so you're better off focusing your energy on the mess in your house.

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

When going on a family vacation, leave home a day or two before your spouse. That way, everything on the "to do before going on vacation" list that doesn't get done is his fault, not yours.

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

Sometimes, if I'm feeling really nice, I'll give Valerie a REAL sponge and REAL soapy water and let her scrub the outside toys. But only on special occasions, if she's being really good.

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

Designate one sippy cup for each child "for water use only". Then the next time you are scrambling to find a clean cup, but they all seem to be filled with either wine or cheese, you know there is at least one that is always relatively clean.

About

I am a stay-at-home mother of two and former lawyer who really hates housework. When I first got married, I had a lot of delusions about what kind of housekeeper I would be, in spite of all the evidence to the contrary (such as my college dorm room and my childhood bedroom). But, honestly, I just didn't care enough to make any of it happen. Ten years later, my house is just as messy as it ever was. But I've got a lot more tricks up my sleeve.

"The Crappy Housewife" is not a slam against housewives in general. I don't think that being a housewife is crappy, or that you are crappy because you are a housewife. But when I am faced with images in the media of what a "good" housewife is allegedly supposed to be, I have to laugh at myself. If a "good" housewife keeps an impeccable home and has dinner on the table at the same time every night and sews her own seasonally appropriate living room curtains, then I am definitely a "crappy" housewife. I don't enjoy housework. There are hundreds of things I would rather do than dust the furniture. So I have developed lots of little shortcuts, so that I can get over the housework and on with my life.

For a long time, I never shared my housekeeping tips because I figured that everybody else was either doing it the "right" way, or was already cutting the same corners as me. But every time I shared one of my tips on Facebook, I was surprised to discover that a lot of people actually liked hearing my tips. Apparently, being lousy at housekeeping and coming up with clever shortcuts don't always go hand in hand. It takes a special person to turn a hatred of housework into a challenge. And apparently, I'm special.

Are you special, too? Do you read this blog and find yourself nodding along and saying, "Hey, I already do that!" Congratulations, you might be a Crappy Housewife! It's not an insult, it's a badge of honor. You don't have to be married, or female, or a stay-at-home parent, in order to be a Crappy Housewife. You just have to be a creative problem solver who finds a way out of doing housework whenever possible. And if you are a Crappy Housewife, please feel free to share your tips with me! I'll post them as "submitted by" you, and include a link to your blog, if you want.

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

When you can't seem to muster up the motivation to do the daily minutiae like washing dishes, take on a big project instead, like reorganizing the living room! (Actually, I don't know if this is good advice or not, but it's what I do. At least something is getting done, right?)

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

If you have two bathrooms, buy two of every bathroom cleaner. I know how much motivation it takes to clean the toilet, and having to go downstairs to get the toilet brush and bowl cleaner is just that much more effort, and it’s often enough to tip the scales towards, “Don’t bother.”

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

Learn to pick things up with your toes. It saves a lot of bending over.

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

Pack away the toys that are the most annoying to clean up - like the ones with hundreds of little pieces. Only bring them out on special occasions, preferably when children old enough to help clean up are visiting.

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

Even when you have your own washer and dryer, it's worth it to take your laundry to the laundromat once in a while when you're really behind on laundry. Go late at night and take over all the machines. You can do 12 loads of laundry at the laundromat in the time it takes to do one at home.

It helps to have all your clothes clean at one time, at least once per season, so that you can effectively gauge what new clothes you might need for the next season. Plus, you just might find that red shirt you thought you lost, hiding at the bottom of a laundry pile.

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

When you’re tidying up downstairs, pile things that need to go upstairs on the bottom step. (If there are lots of little things, put a tote bag or box on the step to keep them all together.) The next time you go upstairs, grab a load from the step and take it up with you. This saves you a lot of trips up and down the stairs.

(Alternatively, if you’re trying to lose weight, don’t do this. Just think of all the extra exercise you’ll get running up and down the stairs!)

A few side notes:
-Make sure to leave enough room beside the pile so that you can walk right past the stuff and forget about it.
-If the bottom step is full, use the next step. If the second step is full, use the third step. If all the steps are full, then you're probably at my house.

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

Make two meals at once to reduce clean-up.

Some examples: Pack bag lunches while you’re making breakfast, put dinner in the crockpot while you’re making lunch, make twice as much dinner as you need tonight so there will be leftovers for tomorrow's dinner.

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

Pick a space in your house that you can resign to mess. Preferably one with a door that closes. A walk-in closet, basement, or bedroom works well. Then, when you're cleaning in a hurry, you can shove everything that doesn't have a place (or that would take too long to sort and put away properly) in there, and close the door.

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

Potty train your kids directly onto the toilet, rather than a little kiddie potty. Otherwise you'll get stuck washing that darned potty 700 times a day, like me.

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

What to do with socks that never have mates? Use for dusting. I've also used doubled up socks in a pinch when for some reason I cannot find my hot pot holders.

(Submitted by Scatterbrained Homemaker)

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

Pack a lunch and go the park. Or even just the backyard. Picnic lunches require no clean-up!

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

When you need to do a rush cleaning job (is there any other kind?), the first thing you should do is go outside. Then come back in and look around objectively, as a guest. What are the first five glaring things that jump out at you? Clean those things first. Then sit down where your guest is most likely to sit and do the same thing. You notice different messes from different points of view, so it's worth trying out a few different vantage points.

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

Keep a basket/box/bin in the bathroom for mail that needs to be sorted. Every time you're in there, you can sort through a piece or two (or twenty), and you'll soon find that you almost never have to make time to sort mail anymore. You can even put the shredder in the bathroom, too, and dispose of junk mail as you go.

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

1. Call your landlord to report something broken.

2. Hear him say, "I'll be right over."

3. Look around the apartment and panic.

4. Find a burst of cleaning energy that you didn't know you had.

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

Math is your friend.

Picture a recipe that calls for 1 1/2 cups of flour. You probably instinctively reach for the 1 cup measurer and the 1/2 cup measurer, right? But that dirties two dishes! Why not just fill the 1/2 cup measurer three times? Or, better yet, the 3/4 cup measurer twice?

Math can also help you in a pinch when a recipe calls for a measurement that you can't find the measuring utensil for. Can't find the tablespoon? Use three teaspoons. Need two cups of flour and can't find the 1 cup measurer? Fill the 2/3 cup three times.

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

If you need to clean your bathroom floor in a hurry...take the roller tape thingy...the one for pet hair...and use that on your floor...it'll pick up stray hairs, dirt and grime and then you can just peel the tape and throw it out!

(Submitted by Neha)

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

So, it's your first day back from vacation, you just finished making your morning coffee, and you go to pour milk into the mug only to notice that the milk is a bit, well, chunky.

Here's a Crappy Housewife approved list of milk substitutes for morning coffee:
-ice cream
-powdered milk
-whipped cream
-single serving creamers stashed from the last time you got coffee out somewhere
-hot chocolate powder (the "add water" kind, not the "add milk" kind)
-breast milk or formula

Milk substitutes I think might work but I haven't tried yet:
-yogurt
-pudding

Milk substitutes I'm pretty sure won't work (but have seriously considered):
-butter
-pancake mix

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

If company is coming, and you don't have time for a thorough bathroom cleaning, clean the bathroom mirror. It brightens up the whole room.

Then, when you've cleaned the mirror, rub a dry cloth or paper towel over the faucet to shine it up. When you sprayed the Windex on the mirror, some will have misted down onto the sink, so it's an easy, quick job to polish the faucet.

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

Breastfeed.

There are hundreds of nutritional/medical/developmental/emotional reasons to breastfeed your kids, but it's also a total Crappy Housewife's dream. Here are a few of the many labor-saving advantages of breastfeeding:

1. The poop of an exclusively breastfed baby doesn't smell nearly as bad as formula poop. So, if it takes you a few days to empty the trash, it's not the end of the world.

2. Breastfed poops are easier to wash out of cloth diapers, clothing, sheets, etc. than formula poops. And breastfed-poop stains literally disappear after an hour in the sun.

3. Breast milk spit-up and spills don't stain like formula.

4. No bottles to wash.

5. Nothing to pack (or forget) on outings. If the baby gets hungry, you have her food source attached to your chest. And you don't need to figure out a way to warm it up, either, it comes pre-heated to an ideal 98.6 degrees.

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

Practice the art of creative substitution.

No clean bowls? Eat your cereal in a mug. No clean spoons? Use a measuring spoon.

No clean glasses? Try a Mason jar. No clean knives? Spread your butter with a spatula.

Once you start to think outside of the box, you'll be surprised how many of the items in your kitchen are interchangeable.

Crappy Housewife Tutorial

Catching up on dishes: The Dishwasher Edition.

1. Load the dishwasher up with the dishes that are the easiest to prep - non-crusty dishes, mixing bowls, etc. The key for round one is to get the dishwasher full and running as soon as possible. Don't worry too much about conservation of space in this round, you just want to get a bunch of stuff out of the way. Run the dishwasher. If you have the choice, make sure to use the hottest possible setting for the final rinse.

2. While the dishwasher is running, prep the dishes for round two. Depending on your dishwasher, this could mean anything from just scraping the big chunks off into the trash to soaking, scrubbing, and practically washing every dish (and wondering what the point of the dishwasher is, anyhow). Stack the prepped dishes in piles of similar items to make loading the dishwasher for round two easier.

3. When the dishwasher finishes, open the door immediately. Pull out the racks and shake them vigorously to get as much water as possible off of them. (Do the top rack first, otherwise you will just shake the water from the top rack back onto the bottom rack.) If you do this while the dishes are still hot from the rinse cycle, they will dry quickly (and almost completely spot-free).
*Edited to add: You don't need to pull the racks all the way out, just shake them back and forth on their tracks and leave them sticking out as much as possible. The more they stick out, the quicker they will dry.

4. Go do something else for a few minutes.

5. Put away the dishes. Most of them will be dry enough to put away after a few minutes of drying, assuming you followed step 3 correctly. Plastic things might still be wet because they don't hold the heat enough to dry themselves, so just move any wet items to the dish drainer to finish drying.

6. Load up the dishwasher for round two. With your pre-sorted stacks, this step shouldn't take too long. Use your Tetris skills this time, to fit as much as possible into the dishwasher. Your pre-sorted stacks will come in handy for spacial organization, too.

7. While the dishwasher is running round two, assess the remaining dish situation. If it's enough to warrant a third dishwasher round, return to step 2. If not, just wash the remaining few dishes by hand.

Crappy Housewife Tutorial

So, you're behind on dishes, as usual. And for some reason, (maybe company is coming, maybe you have been overcome by a sudden burst of motivation, okay, company is probably coming), today is the day to get caught up. Here is a step-by-step tutorial for getting those dishes under control. (This is the no dishwasher version of the tutorial. If you have a dishwasher, tomorrow's tip is for you.)

1. Take everything out of the sink. (I told you not to put them in there, but do you ever listen?)

2. Dump out the nasty stuff, and stack things into piles of similar and stackable items. This clears up enough counter space for step 3.

3. Fill all the cups and mugs with hot water, and set them aside to soak.

4. Fill the sink with hot, soapy water, and as many of the stacks as you can fit. Pile all the silverware on one side of the sink.

5. The sink is too hot. Leave and go do something else for a while.

6. Oops, you spent too long doing something else, and now the water is cold. Empty the sink.

7. Refill the sink with WARM water. Fill a dish tub with hot water for rinsing.

8. Wash and rinse dishes, then pile as many as you can in the dish drainer.

9. When the dish drainer is full, move it to a clear counter, or the floor, and let those dishes dry. Move your spare dish drainer beside the sink and continue washing dishes.

10. If you find a crusty dish, scrape the gunk off with a spatula, then move it to the bottom of the pile to soak some more.

11. When the second dish drainer is full, switch the dish drainers again. The dishes in the first drainer should be dry enough to put away by now.

12. Once all of the smaller, stackable items (plates, bowls) and silverware are clean, work on the bigger items, like pots and pans and mixing bowls. These bigger items will fit on top of the smaller stuff in the dish drainers, so you can put off emptying the dish drainers for longer.

13. Wash the cups last. By the time you get to the cups, you should have cleared enough counter space to spread out some tea towels to dry the cups on. (If you have baking racks, put them under the tea towels - the extra air space will help them dry faster.)

14. Try to put all the dishes away. Realize that, when all of your dishes are clean, there isn't actually room for them all in the cupboards. Put a bunch of dishes in the dish drainer as temporary storage until you dirty enough dishes to make space for them.

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

Always apologize for the state of your house to guests BEFORE they see it. They will inevitably make a blanket statement accepting the mess, "Oh that's okay, my house is messy, too." Once they see your house, and realize that it is messy beyond their wildest imaginations, it's too late to be judgmental. They already said they didn't mind.

Words to Live By

If I made dinner for us, then I did my part, and you should clean up.

If you made dinner for us, then it's your mess, and you should clean up.

(Unfortunately, when we both think like that, dinner doesn't tend to get cleaned up.)

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

Hanging takes less effort than folding, so hang as many of your clothes as you have closet space for. Invest in a few garment racks if you're short on closet space. Hanging clothes also means less ironing later. (Honestly, I don't even know where my iron is anymore. I avoid ironing at all costs.)

Bonus tip: Buy plastic hangers, and hang wet clothes on hangers straight out of the washer. They can dry right on the hanger, and skip the dryer completely. (Hey look, one of my tips is actually good for the environment!)

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

Fold laundry while it's still hot from the dryer and you'll never have to iron. Don't feel like folding laundry right now? Restart the dryer.

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

Really messy floors? So gross that you're worried you might have to get down on your hands and knees and actually scrub? Try the Crappy Housewife Patented Sloppy Mop Technique*.

First, mop your way across the room without wringing out the mop. Your floor will be sopping wet, so make sure you don't slip and fall. (Bonus Tip: Do this job in bare feet, and scuff the bottoms of your feet a few times across the mop to clean them so you don't leave dirty footprints.)

Once the floor is sopping wet, go back to the other side and work your way across with a really well wrung-out mop. Almost all of the dried-on gunk will come up easily on the second pass. Stick a spatula in your pocket as you go, and use it to scrape up any rogue crusty bits.

*not actually patented

Crappy Housewife Camping Tip of the Day

Pajamas are not to be worn outside of the tent. There's no reason to get them grungy, too.

One exception to this: You can wear your pajamas outside the tent if they double as your clothes for the day. For example, if you are a baby and your clever mom figures out that a footed sleeper, coupled with a brimmed hat, protects 95% of your body from bug bites and sunburns without chemicals.

Crappy Housewife Camping Tip of the Day

You know the clean clothes you put on today will be just as dirty as yesterday's clothes in five minutes, so here's a tip: just pretend you woke up five minutes earlier and put on yesterday's clothes!

Crappy Housewife Camping Tip of the Day

Prepare as much as food as possible at home before you go. I know, I know, forethought and preparedness are not the Crappy Housewife way, but this is one instance where it's totally worth it. This year, I made our foil packet dinners ahead of time at home and froze them. My foil packet dinners involve raw chicken, which is a huge pain to clean up when you are camping and have to drive two miles to fetch water and heat it over the fire. I set up a little assembly line at home and assembled the packets in about half the time it would have taken on the camping trip, and the clean-up took about a quarter as long, what with the hot running water and all.

We go camping with a big group, so if each of us prepares two or three meals ahead of time, we have hearty, home-cooked meals for most of the trip, without a lot of on-site prep. Soups and stews are especially good make-ahead camping meals, because if you freeze them early enough, they will be solid bricks of ice and keep your cooler cold until you use them. I didn't even buy ice until after I thawed my stew on day three.

There are certain meals we always make when we go camping, because they freeze well, or require little to no fresh ingredients. Freeze ahead meals usually include: beef stew, vegetable potage, pulled pork, and foil packet dinners. Non-perishable meals for later in the trip usually include: spaghetti and chili. Sometimes I'll pick up some ground beef to add to the chili, otherwise, it's an all-canned recipe.

Another food work-saver we do when we go camping: Breakfast and lunch aren't fancy. Cold cereal, instant oatmeal, pop tarts, fruit, coffee, sandwiches, yogurt, granola bars. If you really want a hot breakfast, make sure to do it on an easy lunch/dinner day, or better yet, do breakfast for dinner one day.

Crappy Housewife Camping Tip of the Day

Bugs are attracted to the smell of clean bodies, soap, and shampoo. So not showering isn't the lazy option, it's the smart option!

Crappy Housewife Camping Tip of the Day

If you can squeeze it in, pack the dish drainer. I know it seems ridiculous, but it could save you 30 minutes per day in drying and putting away dishes. When you're done washing dishes, just put them in the drainer, throw a towel over them to keep the trail spice off, and just grab them right back out of the drainer for the next meal. You can put them away overnight if you feel so inclined, but as long as they are clean, they should be of no interest to nocturnal creatures (unless you are camping somewhere with very civilized bears who prefer to use cutlery).

Crappy Housewife Camping Tip of the Day

All the kids' clothes are going to get stained anyhow, so don't bother packing anything nice. Anytime you can't get a stain out of something, just stick it in the "save for camping" box (which you may occasionally dig into on "don't feel like doing laundry" days). Now you can let your kids (or your husband, or yourself) crawl in the dirt without worrying about all the scrubbing and pre-treating you'll have to do when you get home. This is also a great opportunity to pack ugly clothes that you have received as gifts from relatives. This comes with an added bonus, because you will probably take lots of pictures on your camping trip, which you can then send to said relatives, who will be touched that you appreciate their gift so much. "Look, Aunt Ellen, we're wearing the matching puppy tank tops you crocheted for us!" We love them so much, we only wear them on special occasions when no one we know is around.

Back from vacation!

A huge thank you to my faithful web-gnome Erin for posting my tips for me while I was away on vacation, far from the internet.

Where does a Crappy Housewife go on vacation, you might ask? The answer is, "Somewhere with an even lower threshold of clean than home!"

We camped for nine days with a bunch of friends, and we spent much of the time we saved by not having to clean things playing games. It was a blast! Click here to read Sara's account of the gaming side of the trip.

Stay tuned for Crappy Housewife Tips: The Camping Edition!

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

It can be a great laundry-saving trick to engage in some activities clothing-free (such as eating messy food and cleaning grimy tubs), however, there are some activities it is best to always approach clothed. Ironing and frying bacon are on that list. Trust me. You don't want to learn this the hard way, too.

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

Thinking of making eggs as a quick and easy dinner, but not sure how much energy you have for the clean up? Before you ask anybody, "How do you like your eggs?" first consult this handy reference guide:

Types of eggs, ranked by ease of clean up:
6. scrambled
5. omelet
4. over-easy
3. sunny side up
2. poached
1. soft-boiled/hard-boiled
0. raw

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

So, you're doing the dishes, and your sink is full of hot, soapy water. You reach for a mug, only to discover that it's full of stinky,moldy, old coffee (or some other liquid nastiness). You don't want to dump it in the sink, with all the other dishes, and pouring it in the trash is just asking for leaks. What should you do? Dump it in the toilet!

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

Don't use matching cups. If all the cups are the same, then when you set your cup down, you will forget which one is yours, and have to get a new one. If everyone has a different cup, then the next time you go to get a drink you'll be able to use the same cup, thus saving dishes.

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

Invest in some paper plates. Yeah, I know they're not good for the environment, but they can really help curb the growth of Dish Mountain if you use them anytime you're not having a sit-down meal. Sometimes you need to invest in your sanity.

(Besides, I have a hard time believing that a thin paper plate will have much of an environmental impact, especially when everyone likes to tell me that washing my cloth diapers is just as bad for the environment as using disposables. If that's true, then washing a plate is WORSE for the environment than using a paper plate. At least paper plates decompose.)

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

Make friends with the adult children of former crappy housewives. They don't judge you for your house and picking up after a crappy housewife is second nature to them. You might find that your house is a little cleaner every time they leave. (The latter does not apply to children who have gone on to become crappy housewives themselves, but they still won't judge your house.)

(Submitted by the web-gnome.)

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

If a dish only had water in it, it's not dirty. Just stick it back in the cupboard (or in the dish drainer to dry). Some examples of not-dirty dishes: measuring cups/spoons that were used to measure water, glasses that were used to fill the Brita that you couldn't fit under the tap because the sink was too full of dishes, pitchers that were used to water plants.

Addendum: Drinking glasses that somebody drank water out of are dirty, please don't put them straight back in the cupboard.

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

Keep leftovers in empty yogurt tubs, take-out containers, spaghetti sauce jars, and other containers that would have otherwise just gone in the trash or recycle bin. That way, if something dies in them, you won't feel bad just throwing out the container as well.

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

Keep leftovers in glass/ceramic containers. Mold can't penetrate glass, so you can still get them clean even after you find them at the back of the fridge growing an impressive colony of blue fuzz!

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

Put leftovers in the fridge in see-through containers. You're more likely to eat things you can see. And you can tell sooner when things have gone bad.

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

When food goes bad in your fridge and it looks/smells so bad you want to throw out the dish instead of washing it, try this instead: freeze it. When it's frozen, there's no awful odors, and you can pop the whole frozen mess out of the dish easily and throw it away! Then quickly rinse the dish before washing. Easy moldy-food cleanup!


(Submitted by Amy) 

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

Don't clean out your fridge until garbage day. Once the rotten food is out of the cold-induced hibernation of the fridge, it will start to smell really bad, so you want to get that stink out of your house and to the curb as quickly as possible. By leaving this task until garbage day, you make sure that moldy leftovers remain in stink-stasis until the last possible minute.

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

 Are you sure it's laundry day? Are you sure it's not "buy more
underwear" day?

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

Doing it yourself to save money isn't always economical. Before you try to darn those socks, do a little math. Figure out how much money you will be saving, and how much time it will take you. Calculate an hourly rate, then ask yourself, "If this was my job, would I be willing to work for these wages?"

Some examples from my own life* (yours will be different, these are just examples):

Cloth diapering: Money saved: about $14 per week. Time spent: about 2 hours per week. Hourly rate: $7. Worth it? For me, yep.

Baking my own bread: Money saved: about $3 per loaf. Time spent: about 2 hours for 2 loaves. Hourly rate: $3. Worth it? For me, nope.

Making my own chicken broth: Money saved: about $2 per can. Time spent: about 10 minutes for the equivalent of 3 cans (using leftover bones that cost me nothing). Hourly rate: $36. Worth it? Heck yeah!

Share some of your own calculations in the comments, I'd love to hear them!

*Time estimates don't include waiting times, like waiting for bread to rise or soup to boil, because you can do something else during that time. Value estimates don't include non-monetary values, like how much better my broth is than the canned stuff or how much you enjoy kneading bread, but you can factor that in during the "Worth it?" stage.

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

Buy good dish soap and use it liberally. When you break down the price per day, it's really not very expensive, and it makes dish washing much quicker and easier.

Added bonus: The more bubbles there are on the surface of the water, the less you have to look at the mess that lies beneath.

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

Don't put your dirty dishes in the sink. Yes, you read that right, I said "don't". Unless you are one of those awesome people who does the dishes immediately after every meal, dirty dishes in the sink are just going to be in the way. When the sink is full of dishes, you can't wash just one cereal bowl so you can eat breakfast. You can't get to the garbage disposal, so apple peels just lay around getting moldy, stinking, and attracting flies. You can't get the Brita under the tap to refill it, so you leave it empty in the fridge. Dishes that were only slightly dirty end up getting gross and sludgey from sitting inside pots that were left to soak. Metal things end up leaving rust circles on the bottom of the sink.

So please, at least when you come to visit me, don't put your dirty dishes in the sink. Stack them on the counter beside the sink; I'll get to them eventually.

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

Clean your bathtub naked. That way, when you're done, you can just take a shower (which does the double duty of getting you clean and rinsing the tub), and you don't have to do any extra grimy laundry.

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

Keep a couple of those $1 TV dinners in the freezer. When you don't feel like cooking dinner, take one out, look at it, remember how much it sucks, and suddenly find that you have enough energy to make spaghetti after all. Or, you can make the TV dinners, if your taste buds need a reminder. Either way, your family gets something for dinner, and it's cheaper than ordering pizza.

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

Let your kids eat spaghetti naked. It's easier to get sauce out of skin than clothes.

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

Make friends with other crappy housewives. Their houses will make you feel better about your own, and you won't have to clean up first if they are coming over.

BUT...

Also make friends with non-crappy housewives. Their houses will remind you that it is humanly possible to keep a clean house, and stop you from getting any more complacent than you already are. Besides, inviting them over once in a while will motivate you to tidy up a bit.

Words to Live By

Less work now often means more work later, but it also means less work now. It's not later yet, why should later get a vote?

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

Everyone knows that you can save yourself a lot of scrubbing by soaking food-encrusted dishes in warm water. (If you didn't know that, congratulations, you get two tips today!) But what about food-encrusted surfaces that don't fit in your sink, like countertops, griddles, and kitchen floors? Are you doomed to scrub them? Never! Just soak a tea towel in warm water and drape it over the crusty surface. Let it sit for 10 minutes, then wipe up the gunk. If there are any globs of gunk that don't wipe up easily, use a hard plastic spatula (the pancake flipping kind) to scrape them up.

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

I don't mind vacuuming - compared to other household tasks, anyhow. What I hate is clearing all the clutter out of the way so that the vacuum cleaner can actually reach the carpet. That's why I keep a snow shovel handy year-round.

Use the shovel to shove everything into a big pile, right next to the toy box. (A broom works, too, if you have hardwood floors.) Then, sit down next to the pile with a laundry basket and trash bag, and sort the pile from there. 90% of the pile is either toys, trash, or laundry, and the rest of the pile is small enough to scoop up and put in one of your many "deal with it later" spots, like the bottom step or the kitchen table. Now you can vacuum, quick, before company gets there!

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

Messy kids? Rice for dinner? Sticky, gunky messes are no problem when you use the amazing, "Wait until morning then vacuum it all up," technique!

Don't have carpet? No problem! Just use a snow shovel and scrape all the gunk into a pile where you can easily sweep it into a dustpan (or under a chair).

And hang onto that snow shovel, you'll be needing it for tomorrow's tip!

---

Crappy Housewife Tip of the Day

So, you want to make pasta, and the pot is dirty? Boil water in the kettle while you wash the pot so it's already hot and ready to go when the pot is clean!

(And no, I don't want to hear about your awesome, "Clean the pot after using it so it's ready to go next time," system. This is the Crappy Housewife Tip for a reason.)

---